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Paul C's Journal

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15th May 2007

12:20pm: hmmm
wow i thought u were gonna actually answer my questions for once...but u didnt
u suck lol

13th April 2007

7:38am: i hear his voice in the air, it sounds like angels singing, and i know hes still here
FA Semi's on Sat and sunday, awesome, though it's a lil dissapointing, come on, watford in the final 4, how the hell did they even get that far, i dont expect a good match, oh well =( Chelsea could still win all 4 titles though

1 more day til i get to go to foxborough :) yay, so excited, but it's gonna be so cold, and im really scared about this new pitch, i hope theres not stupid fucking endzone lines and shit either, that shit looks fucking awful. but REGARDLESS, im very excited to be able to finally get to go out, it's been a boring off-season

This weekend besides that will probably be boring, i might end up going to my dads house sometime this weekend though, i like it over there, and i have monday off :)

i hope i get my creative writing paper back, i REALLY wanna know what i got for a grade =(

anyways off to shower

11th April 2007

5:35am: tell me im not dreaming, tell me dreams come true, tell me this is happening cuz i believe in you
i hate mornings, can i say that? i dont know why i keep waking up so early though, just a natural thing for me I guess, anyways, on to the reports

Man U dropped 3 points last weekend, omg, i love you rio, nice OG, idiot
but then yesterday in champ league, they won 7-1, all of the starting XI on val needs to be fired, what the fuck happened? Chelsea made it to semi's, they'll probably face Liverpool, which they have bad luck in general against, so......

This weekend is FA games, awesome, but more importantly, the revs home opener with toroto, so yay my season tix get to get used finally, they were looking all sad over here, we better win, we lost against chi last week =/

I got a library card again this week , go me, anyone have any good books for me to read? suggestions appreciated, i can only use my one source so many times before it runs out

4th April 2007

8:19pm: 3 days
3 days n counting til the openinng :)
9 til @ home :) my season tix are looking quiet sad
i found this girl @ school who's almost obsessed as i am :)
but she's one of those "omg dempsey left us, he was sooooo hot" type of people, gross....

Chelsea drew on leg 1 today, Man lost though leg 1 :) so it was good :)
i'm tired, ugh
gonna pass out :)

3rd April 2007

3:33pm: still waiting
still waiting for your response lol, was just curious
anyways

weekend :

what a busy week, been writing this shitty essay, on Thursday i went to see JMT with Reef, and Sean Price.....god i fucking hate sean price, seriously, he needs to go away, JMT was dope, seriously, played a new AOTP song, a New song, outerspace jumped up and did some stuff, so did Jus, seriously a good time :) wish they had played some newer stuff though, but it was good hearing a ton of oldies

Friday, i think i slept all day, friday was a blur, didnt get home til like 4am friday morning, and i had some school to do, so i was just cracked out n sleeping,
Saturday was fun, Chelsea game, they won, manu did too, 6 point gap still, how depressing, sigh
sunday was even better! Meet The Revs, got to meet some players, and the coach, too many lil kids though, was annoying, than we went to see Immortal technique, this was better than jmt, tech is the fuckin man, played Bin Laden, One Day, Industrial Revolution, AND DANCE WITH THE DEVIL! god, i wish he'd come back soon

anyways Champ, League game is restarting, bye :)

14th February 2007

1:58pm: i wonder
i wonder if you'll ever actually answer my questions, hmm guess not

29th November 2006

6:12am: It's so hard to swallow,
all the lumps in my throat,
on the tip of my tongue,
and I still choke.
If you squeeze me I might bleed just what I'm feeling.
I feel so empty.
Staring through a window, but a curtain covers it.
I must be so foolish.
All this junk in my pockets is starting to hurt my leg.
It's starting to weigh me down. I'm down but I'm not out.
It's so hard to swallow
all the lumps in my throat,
on the tip of my tongue,
and I still choke.
If you squeeze me I might bleed just what I'm feeling.
I feel so empty.
There is a Band-Aid on my finger, but the scar is in my head. I feel so exhausted.
I stare into a mirror,
and I'm staring back at me.
I'm looking down at the ground, all around.
I'm down but I'm not out.
I try to see clearly, but my eyes are half shut.
There's a cloud around my head 'cause I'm all blocked up.




You're moving up and I'm moving out.
You're growing up and I'm growing sideways.
Don't want to see who you used to see or be who you used to be.
I guess you're out-growing me.
We both know that you're going places, and I'm here with the same tired faces.
Our old haunts are still mine. If I only kill time,
I guess you're out-growing me.
Never could keep up with you. Never felt like I needed to.
But the worst part of all of it's knowing that you're proud of this.
Yeah, you're out-growing me.
Won't be the first time you leave me in the dust. Won't be the last time you leave me in the dust.

27th November 2006

5:46am: impressed
didn't think Darren could make a movie better than RfaD....i was proved wrong, go see the fountain, it is fucking amazing

15th November 2006

5:57am: wow
just because you can cross amazingly good, don't mean you can fucking rap, god, that's some pretty awful shit, kthanks

11th September 2006

12:08pm: rough
well school started back up....been a long week

it's alright, not great, but i'm "okay" with my classes.

JMT is next week, and the new cd came out :)

New jmt isn't that good though unfortantly, i was expecting a lot more, but going to see them live should be great.

Also seeing the rev soon :)

anyways lots of homework to do, i'll try to write again sometime soon

30th June 2006

7:25pm: amazing
Germany won in PK's! yay! Great news, considering i have lots of german blood in me ^^

besides watching the matches, nothing too much to say. I've had this nasty cold for a week now, been kinda knocked out, however, it is clearing up....finally.

Got some new dvd's this week, well one, but it's a good one, Fraiser season 8! So after the final Quarter Final tomorrow, i'll veg out and watch that I suppose. Need to go to the zoo this coming week also. Still need to figure that out, and hopefully my trip won't be ruined by sickness.


That's all.

26th June 2006

11:01am: Aus VS Ita
go go go go Australia, show them fuckin italians whats up

23rd June 2006

6:09am: I blame you Arena.
Well as of yesterday, it's over. 4 years wasted, another 4 to go. Just hope it isn't Brazil again, Fuck Brazil. Now to hope The Rev do well this season i guess
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Well as of yesterday, it's over. 4 years wasted, another 4 to go. Just hope it isn't Brazil again, Fuck Brazil. Now to hope The Rev do well this season i guess <they havn't>.

So besides that not much going on. I had some conversation with someone I needed to, was a lil weird, but it was nice to share i guess? Lots of stuff going on in the next few weeks, busy busy busy.

18th June 2006

5:28am: sigh
good chances we're out =/

too many "these things need to happen" for us to advance, but...it's possible, we'll see this coming week.

This is really what we should have saw again the Czech Republic last week.

13th June 2006

6:06am: wow
wow so much hype, and they failed horribly, so so so sad.

12th June 2006

8:17am: what's so amazing, that keeps us stargazing, and what do we think we might see......
Well, i went to jury duty..... was the most fucking boring thing ever. god...i didn't even get called, we just got let out early, but still, it was 5 hours of NOTHING, note to self : next time, bring a long long book.

Okay now what else....well It's WC06.....means a month of not doing anything.heh.....

seriously though, did anyone check out the serbia vs holland match? was dissapointed with serbia, was expecting much much more out of them, after the pre match games, *sigh*

anyways

2nd June 2006

6:18am: cover both your ears with my hands, kiss away the tears
when Armageddons been locked and loaded, i will come back for you.......


Well, my computer comes back tomorrow.....havnt had it in a month so sorry if people have been sending me messages and I havn't been replying and such, just been hectic, but like I said, comp comes tomorrow, it's only been a month and a half.....sigh





Nothing much to say really, it's summer, hope it's a good one. Saw a good movie that my friend said i needed to watch last week....Story of D, so i'm telling you guys to pick it up, was pretty good :)


anyways, it's 6am, too tired to actually say much

3rd May 2006

7:22pm: oops
So apparently i had Jury Duty on monday, kinda bad when i get the post card two days late. Good Job whoever handles that.

29th April 2006

1:22pm: your razors, my wrist, my tears, your kiss
Well it's been about a year since John has passed away. Still after a year though it feels weird saying that. I don't know, maybe it'll always feel weird, I thought things like this were supposed to eventually get better though. So another year gone by without one of my best friends, sigh.

Happy news though, another one of my best friends got married this week, Unfortantly I was a fucking awful best friend and couldn't make it due to an emergency. So I fail at life i guess, but congrats to Az and Katie, best of luck to you two, and i'll see you guys monday.

Besides that? Well really now.....not much, Summer soon, looking forward to that. Been on a renting movies spree, most of them sorta have sucked but a few Highlights. Made a new good friend named Greg unexpectly recently, he's pretty chill
Anyways, so i got the new Boysetsfire cd, it's so/so, i don't know, it isn't as hard as they used to be, i'd say I like about half the songs.

16th April 2005

12:22pm: dunno
John Paul, lets see where do i begin with you.....

*starts crying*

well i guess we were 14, he was part of DTC and i was just on the bench smoking, i think the first time we talked he actully ripped me off....for those of you knew john, ripping people off was an art of his haha, he was called skimpabonie in westborough, because you knew if you bought weed off him, we would always skim a joint from it for himself haha, anyways i got mad of course, and he ended up eventually paying me back, but i guess thats where our friendship started, him ripping me off. weird i guess.


anyways the early days...hmmm i don't remember much, i was doing the rave thing and he was listening to rap, i started dating this girl lauren though, and it was around that time that he got introduced to.....the rave scene, this was amusing to me because he always made fun of me for being "a raver". Lauren, Chad, Chad's girlfriend, Brian, John and I and i think Laurens friend attended this rave in Lowell. I remember john just like falling in love with it, after that john just couldnt get enough of the rave scene. I'm glad i got to include him in on that. I also remember for some reason we gave john all our money to buy us all pills, and he went to the network scum guy, and well they were fake, and john forever hated tommy gun from that point on...haha. that was funny, ^^

Shortly after i became homeless, John would let me eat cheese sandwiches and a pepsi, he was my source of food for awhile haha, i was on a pepsi and cheese sandwich diet for about rwo months, it became a joke for i guess ever, always said to me when i came over "do you want a cheese sandwich" haha

my thoughts arn't very clear right now, i guess i should apologize

just i guess writing my memories down for myself of all the good times with him

i remember spread em, and the follow up, spread em wider,
he threw those parties, and even if they didnt go over the way he had wanted them too, i stilll had fun, and i remember how happy he was he got to pull them off,

i remember he was always on the run from the law too, haha
i'd have to run down to the store for him and buy smokes as he didn't wanna be cought by the cops, one of the times, there wasnt even a warrent out for his arrest, made it all the more amusing

one time he did go to jail though....i remember how pissed/sad he was that no would visit him, it was me and his mom who would always go visit him, no greg or steve, it was sad, i dunno why they never did, but i'm glad i got to see him down there, and i was there when he got out too ^^ it was such a happy day, freedom.

anyways i can't write much more, making me WAY too sad

i dunno why i bother to write like this, since he won't ever get to check this entry but....

John, we grew up together, we had such fun,
i wish i had talked to you these last six months
you were always one of my closest friends
and i'll always miss you, fuck who's gonna be my best man at the wedding i may someday have?
you were wonderful, and i'm glad i got the chance to become a friend of yours
thanks for letting me not starve to death
goodbye

15th April 2005

7:42am: Loss
Last week, a good friend, one of my best friends in fact passed away....
John Simeone
i dunno really what to say here....just obviously destroyed by this news
I've known John since we were 14 and we hung out at the bench all day in downtown westborough. I remember all the good times we had, all the funny "John moments". I guess today is gonna be a rough day. Don't really wanna get into this right now.

goodbye

4th March 2005

9:04am: hahaha
last night bri got what he deserved, he took a sting at me, needless to say i don't hurt this morning, but someone else may be hurting at the moment, 9 years of pissed off, frustrating thoughts towards him, and i finally got my chance.

what the fuck was that kid thinking trying to swing at me? HAHA it was fucking funny, another friend who was here @ the time also was amused, whats even funnier, is bri acted like a bitch, i quote "don't call my you girl", cough, whos the girl? who didnt get one punch in and tried to throw his soda bottle at me? oh wait tht was you, HAHAHA

anyways i felt really good last night, sorta like that natural high you get when you smoke a rock, so i'm in a good mood now, though there will be consequences, like always, Bri will run into someone i know and tell them how i "talk shit" or spread some rumour, like last time we didn't talk he told some people i used to know that i was in jail for rape, also told someone i wanted them (untrue by the way), lucky for me he knows pretty much no one I associate with these days, though i could think of a few people he could "run into" bur eh

anyways my 8 o clock class is done, now to get through the rest of the day

19th February 2005

5:11am: i can see by the hole in your head that you wanna be friends your the right one baby
okay why the fuck do i keep waking up at like 430 in the morning? but on say an important day that i need to be up at this time like yesterday when i have an 8 o clock class i decide to oversleep til like 730?
anyways yesterday was a weird day, prob because of my rush to get up and no Caff.

it/s that time again, Mitford the rematch, ick, anyone feel like writing an essay for me? probably not but it's worth a shot, doesn't have to be an a, just a C would be fine, i'd give you something..not that i have much to give. hmmm, i'd give you.....a comfy sweatshirt? no nevermind, no one can have that, errr, i'd give you some cigs, yea that works, i think that's a fair trade yea?

speaking of sweatshirts, the new Tri5 styles are out =/
god dammit, no i can't afford it, am i sad? yes, one of them is dope too &cry& damn you tri 5 for making the best shit ever than charging crazy prices, but keep doing it.

16th February 2005

7:47am: Now I want you to remember that summer
That summer when I drove a million miles
To stop you from dying
To stop you from crying
I held your hand as a part of you died
And believe it or not I cried
Because one year before a part of me died


Well I guess my day is already off to an awful start, not feeling very good, woke up late, missed my math class,

yesterday Az came over, he had some time before he got injected with the hiv, it was aight i guess, not the most exciting day though

i've been having bad dreams everynight, almost the same, involves this person and i going somewhere, and than just the most awful things happining to us, very scary shit, what even weirder about this... a friend of mine has had similiar dreams, no, not about himself, but about me and a person running away from some bad thing. so whats going on with that?

well aside from that, i dunno what else to say
i could say one more thing...




alright this is more

*edited due to well...just because i can't admit that*
my shoe's hurt

10th February 2005

8:11pm: heather lewis, tell me why you had to go so far away?
today has just had to have been the most boring day in a long time, and it took forever to get through, however i did get a phone call i wasn't expecting today, and was pleasently surprised about it, but not gonna discuss it on here i suppose,

oh

life is good when you have new levels of scientology to learn about, go OT lvl 49
no one will get that, but ah well, it was a joke


so yea boring day turned good, tomorrow is the dreaded school day, eh, that always involves waking up at five in the morning, one awful thing about waking up so early is i'm struggling to stay awake right now

yawn
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